Bebe Bloemetje

Praise the lord for big hats!

Prettiness for a smiley saturday....

And my boys.....

Last week I was asked, by my doctor to write down what I thought a Mother was....a true statement of what I believe. It sort of made me think. I decided that maybe I should make a journal. So I took a vintage photo album and covered it. I added tabs and thought about the things that trouble me. So mother, friendship, sister, death, happiness etc......

I spent a whole day writing, the first time I have EVER told the truth about what I feel. I wrote and wrote....and I didnt even notice the time.....I highly recommend it...:)

Well off to a church book sale with my sister and then an afternoon of scrapping with the new Sassafras lass.....hugs xx

Seperated....but loved

So we are here in England.

You would not believe how the relationship between my sister and Samuel just strengthens each time they are apart.

They are truly connected.

My sister is special....Samuel is special

And I love them both....

"can we fix it?"

yes we can if we get to go home to Auntie noo noo, english chocolate and just a bit of family love......

So thats where we are going...in 10 minutes!!

Scrapping is packed, crochet too......cos this bird needs her sister...

xxx

Why?....

I am not perfect, but I do try so very hard......

I have no idea why or what I do wrong.....

I expect I will have to pick myself back up and try again.......

I will, cos I have to....lets keep seeking Samuel...it will come one day....keep looking for the end of the rainbow...

I have a friend......

her name is Jody ....

Yesterday she was the person who has most changed my life....even in such a short time.

Yesterday she was the friend who made me believe and knew when the world was hurting me.

Yesterday she remembered how sad I was and still had time to ask me how I was.

Yesterday she was still the one to show me the light.

Yesterday she gave birth to Crew.....truely a gift of god....

Jody thank you....for showing me the true line in life and letting me share your life.....

and crew...welcome to this wonderful life...

isnt it.....time for a clean up

It might be september but a spring clean is in the air!

New wallpaper from here in the kitchen and bedroom, a huge scrap room clean out. But most of all a "head" declutter!!

I decided that I need to concentrate on the few things that really are a part of my creativity.Creating for creating sake is not my way, it doesnt fulfill me, it suffocates me. Critique is one thing but comments and changes for changes sake...ummm...not my thing! 

Then the step away from Creatief met fotos. A rocky journey from the start but a realisation that all is not good and honest in scrapland (I know it took me a looooong time!) 

I am sad to step down from G45, who are an amazing company and very supportive but I can give them the commitment I would want to.....they were gracious as ever and I will always be a fan of that paper covered pram!

I have decided not to do anymore workshops in stores, just to concentrate on retreats and on line workshops.......

So for me its SISTV and maybe one other dream..... and SCRAP, cos the amazing Martine has faith, trust and respect......a couple of Stampingdon opportunities and whatever takes my fancy along the way!

This scrap book journey has had its ups but definitely its downs. I just want some clarity now, creativity for me and mine........

The only thing left to clean up is the part of my mind holding the baby that is now a boy. I need to clear sams clothes up. His cupboards are brimming over, still with baby clothes and cardigans, bootees, you name it.

I just cant bring myself to clean it away.....if I could have one thing it would be for my sister to be here and here encouraging me to move forward with Sam......maybe I will think about it again...next week!!!!

Wow this clean up thing is really deep!!!!!

knowing = stillness

"for you know the plans I have for you, "declares he lord

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

 plans to give you hope and a future"

jer 29:11

little things

Revelations have happened in my heart, head and soul.

Yesterday I started to think about a small china bear, I bought my grandad 30 years ago. It stood next to his chair, on his table, for 30 years. I still remember the day I bought that, in a store long gone, called Preedy!

I thought about the plastic icecream cartons my nana kept her change in and the first time she ever came home with yogurt, from Marks & Spencers.

The pockets in the headboard of my bunk bed, where I kept secrets. 

A painted jar with a candle. Samuel came home with this to "make my scrap room happy". 

My sister wanting us still to have a place to sleep in her house, even though we dont go home much at the moment.

Samuel playing with Thomas the tank

Ironing Harrys uniform

A snide comment from someone who should know better

Unprofessional behaviour

Hurting a friend and then playing a victim

Not standing up for what you believe

Creating because someone says you should 

Denial and anger

What do all these things have in common?

They are small things

But they are the things that make the difference, the things that matter.

I made a choice two weeks ago for life

I made that choice

Its time I made the small things count and stood strong.

No more dancing to the tune of others

I choose God, Me and my boys

And together we will count our small things and our lives will be good.

Cup of love

A few weeks ago, Nat sent me this beautiful cup for my birthday. 

I am not a huge coffee drinker (and I hate tea!)  but I have really taken to drinking from this cup and saucer.

Each day I wash it and place it on its saucer and some how cant bring myself to put it away in a cupboard.

Today I was just placing it on the work top and I stopped.........I realised why this looked so familiar.......

My nana always placed her cup and saucer on the work top ready for her next cup of tea, she never put it in a cupboard. It just always stood there.....

I love my little cup, it bought her into my kitchen this morning, it bought the pain of the loss back but also the joy of the life I spent with her........my cup indeed ran over.....